


Earth's Drunkest Heroes

by peridotprincess



Series: Marvel One-Shots & More [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol, Clubbing, Drunk Avengers, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 05:57:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8957134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peridotprincess/pseuds/peridotprincess
Summary: Bucky and (Y/N) have a mission: get all of their drunk friends back home, but it's not as simple as it may seem.





	

 

        (Y/N) was currently at the club with her best friend, Nicole and the rest of the Avengers. She was chatting with Bucky because she might or might not have a crush on the brunet. As she turned her head she saw Nicole and Steve dancing... rather provocatively. The (h/c) then saw tipsy Tony walking up to the DJ booth. ' _Oh this isn't going to be good_ ,' (y/n) thought.

        (Y/N) then heard familiar whistles from her fellow teammates while they were looking towards Nicole and Steve. _'This really wasn't going to be good'_. A few Avengers clapped as well, and of course Clint whistled the loudest. The music then paused and Tony's obnoxious voice could be heard over the speakers. 

        "I'd like to congratulate Capsicle aka Captain America on actually getting Ms. Chang's attention. Let's give him some applause!!!"  Tony shouted while the rest of the club clapped and cheered.

        Nicole and Steve stopped dancing, and Steve held cautiously around the brunette's waist. They both looked rather embarrassed, and both of their faces were tomato red. The music then continued and Tony joined the group again to continue drinking. 

        "Well, the night was fun while it lasted...." Steve whispered to Nicole as a camera flash went off in their faces.

        "Do you think this will be..." Nicole started.

        "All over the news? Yes," Steve finished her sentence.

        "Do you want to..."

        "Go home? Yes. I hate parties."

        "Same."

        Both Nicole and Steve left while holding hands. The two had been dating for two months, and they still managed to keep their relationship a secret. As soon as the undercover couple left, the REAL chaos begun. What a great best friend as Nicole to leave (y/n) with the rest of the drunken team...

** 9:00 pm/ 21:00 **

        "Okay. Okay. Listen, lady, l am taking a nap on the fucking bar whether you like it or not," Tony said drunkenly. He could barely walk or talk, and this is why we keep alcohol from Mr. Stark.

        "Mr. Stark, your are NOT sleeping on my god damn bar," the angry female bartender said sternly, her hands on her hips.

        "Oh. Here it comes," Tony blew chunks on the bartender and she gasped. Tony then climbed onto the bar, and did indeed take a nap.

        (Y/N) saw the angry bartender changing her black apron & saw a drunk Tony sleeping on the bar a few seats over. She sighed and called Pepper," Hey Peps, do you mind picking up Anthony? He's very... wait no, extremely drunk."

        "You know, news spreads fast. I already knew that he was planning to go to that nightclub. I'm outside in the black car," Pepper replied with an irritated sigh.

        "Hey, Bucky do you mind helping me take Tony to Pepper's car?" (y/n) asked the brunet as he was chugging a beer.

        He nodded and they both stood up. They carried a tired & mumbling Tony outside the club to Pepper. Pepper opened the passenger door with a rather angry look on her face, and (y/n) seat-belted Tony into his seat. The redhead waved goodbye and (y/n) closed the door shut.

        "Maybe we should keep watch on everyone else now," (y/n) said worriedly to Bucky.

        Before Bucky could reply, the both of them heard Thor yelling about his 'tarts of pop'. They entered back into the bar to see Thor with a handful of credit cards, and other various rectangular items. The blond was of course insisting that people were stealing his 'tarts of pop'. He then lifted a black coffee table, and legit took a bite out of it.

        "Did he just... bite a fucking table?" Bucky asked baffled.

        "Yes. Yes, he just bit a table. What is in that Asgardian liquor?" (y/n) replied.

        Thor than spit out the chunk of a table and passed out. The employees of the nightclub cleaned up the mess that Thor made, and they looked pretty upset. They were upset because they had to deal with the second idiot of a superhero in the last hour. 

        Bucky and (y/n) then lifted Thor onto a couch so he could sleep his drunkenness off. They then returned all the credit cards, and rectangular shaped items back to their rightful owners. They both sat down and sighed. Nothing else had happened next, so it was all calm. _For now._

** 10:00 pm/21:00 **

        Natasha sat up from her seat on the white couch and waved (y/n) goodbye with a smile. Bruce stood up with her, and they both headed home. (Y/N) sighed in relief because she did NOT want to deal with horribly drunk Natasha. Tony and Thor were enough of a mess already. 

        "Wait. Where's Sam?" Bucky asked worried about his other best friend.

        "I think I saw him go upstairs... to the roof. God dammit!" (y/n) then stood up and grabbed Bucky's hand so that he could go with her upstairs. 

        And, there Sam was, on the roof with his arms open at his sides. "Sam!" both (y/n) and Bucky yelled in unison.

        Sam turned around and grinned," Hey guys! Ijustwantedtosee if I can fly. I think I can. I've done it before."

        "No! You can fly only when your suit is on!" Bucky shouted as he pulled Sam away from the edge of the roof. 

        "No, I have my shuit on. I promissse," Sam said with a slur. He then went back to trying to jump.

        Finally, Bucky lost his patience and grabbed Sam's arm," Hey! Icanfly I promphise!"

        "Sam, you can't fly. You need to sit down. No more flying for you," (y/n) said with a little laugh. No, it wasn't funny that he tried to jump off the roof, but funny because he was convinced that he could fly by himself.

** 11:00 pm/22:00 **

        Pietro wasn't drunk because first off he didn't really enjoy drinking alcohol, and second his metabolism absorbed the alcohol too fast. Instead, he was sitting on the white couch watching you guessed it, women in skimpy outfits dancing like flamingos on LSD. Suddenly, a busty blonde appeared out of nowhere and sat next to the speedster. 

        (Y/N) wasn't interested in Pietro, but they were close friends. She didn't like when random women came onto him, but by the time she stood up to speak to the blonde, both Pietro and her were walking out of the club. ' _If only Pietro kept his dick in his pants..._ ' (y/n) thought. 

        (Y/N) then looked around for Wanda to see what she might be doing, and then she spotted Wanda. The brunette was attempting (hint: attempting) to dance, and of course (y/n) compared her to a flamingo on LSD. She sighed and went up to gather Wanda, and head home since there was only her, Wanda, and Bucky left at the club. 

        The (h/c) stood up with her heels in her hands and headed towards Wanda. She tapped Wanda's shoulder, and Wanda drunkenly swiveled around to face (y/n) with a drunk grin," Hey (y/n)! Are you enjoying it here?" Wanda said with her accent.

        "Yes, I am. But, we need to head home before more of our business ends up on the news. Fury will be furious if he finds out what happened," (y/n) said while gently dragging Wanda off of the illuminated dance floor.

        "Fury-ous! I see what you did there!" Wanda said with an obnoxious laugh. Wanda was usually calm and collected, but her drunk self was the polar opposite apparently. Not to mention, (y/n) wasn't even sure if she was old enough to drink or not...

        The TVs above the bar then showed a stupid tabloid show, and of course "Earth's Drunkest Heroes" was the title of the segment. 

        "Fuck." (y/n) simply said. Fury was going to be hearing about this tomorrow...  


* * *

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a while ago, so of course there's immature jokes, but everytime I read it, I laugh? IDK. I hope you guys enjoyed this anyways! :-)


End file.
